Best Ron Swanson Quotes – Parks and Rec

Ron Swanson is a fictional character from the NBC television program Parks and Recreation. The character is portrayed by actor Nick Offerman.

Ron Swanson is the director of the Pawnee Parks and Recreation Department. In this role, Swanson does his best not to interact with the public or take on new city projects. His colleague Leslie Knope, is his polar opposite, and much of the show plays on the interaction between these two characters.

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Ron Swanson is an oft-quoted character because of his signature deadpan delivery and masculine persona. Here’s a list of the top Ron Swanson quotes. They can be used for motivation or meat, and range from government to breakfast.

funny ron swanson quotes

Best Ron Swanson Quotes

  • Are you aware of any family history of mental illness? My uncle practices yoga.
  • At funerals, it is acceptable to cry andThe Grand Canyon.
  • I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief.
  • There are three acceptable styles: high, medium, and low. andTight, crew cut, buzzcut
  • Give a man a fish andGive him food for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish…andTake care of yourself. He’s a grown man. And fishing’s not that hard.
  • Hallmark invented birthdays to sell cards.
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Ron SwansonGovernment Quotes

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parks and rec ron swanson quotes

  • Are you interrupting any important thing? It’s impossible. I work for the government.
  • The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.
  • The only thing that is bad about taxes is the word “taxes”.
  • This country is in crisis because of child labor laws
  • I was walking in this morning and saw that the flag was half-mast, I thought ‘All right, another bureaucrat ate it!
  • I believe that government is a wasteful use of taxpayer funds. My dream is for the parks system to be privatized andChuck E. Cheese is one of the few for-profit corporations that runs them. They have an excellent business model.
  • One man who sits at a small desk in a small room is my ideal government. and the only thing he’s allowed to decide is who to nuke.
  • Tom is my favorite. He doesn’t do a lot of work around here. He shows zero imitative. He’s not a team player. He’s never wanted to go that extra mile. Tom is exactly what I’m looking for in a government employee.

Ron SwansonAmerica Quotes

  • This country’s whole purpose is to allow you to eat garbage and balloon up to 600 pounds andYou can die from a heart attack when you are 43. It’s possible. To me, that’s beautiful.
  • History began on July 4, 1776. Anything prior to that was a mistake.
  • Capitalism is the only way … It makes America great, England OK andFrance terrible
  • America: The only country that really matters. If you want to experience other ‘cultures,’ use an atlas or a ham radio.
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Ron Swanson QuotesFood

  • ron swanson meat quotesI’m a simple man. I love pretty, dark-haired ladies andBreakfast food
  • There’s only on thin I hate more than lying. Skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk.
  • It is the food I fear that I eat when I eat.
  • You had me at “meat tornado.”
  • RonWould you like a salad? Because I’m not a rabbit, I don’t.
  • My dear frozen yogurt. You are the star among desserts. You can be ice cream or you can be nothing.
  • I call this turf ‘n’ turf. It’s a 16 oz T-bone and a 24 oz porterhouse. You can also get whiskey andA cigar. Because I am an American citizen, I will consume all of it simultaneously.
  • Turkey cannot beat cow.
  • Fish is not meant to be eaten as meat, but for sport. Fish meat can be considered a vegetable.
  • Strippers do nothing for me…but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace.
  • You’ve accidentally given me the food that my food eats.

Ron SwansonMotivation Quotes

Ron Swanson Motivation Quotes Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing. There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger. I like saying ‘No,’ it lowers their enthusiasm.

  • Never take two things for granted. One thing is enough.
  • Only three ways can you motivate people: fear, money, and both. and hunger.
  • I like saying ‘No,’ it lowers their enthusiasm.

Ron SwansonAnimal Quotes

  • A cat is any dog less than fifty pounds. andThey are useless.
  • Fishing is a great way to relax. It’s like yoga; except I still get to kill something.

Ron SwansonRelationship Quotes

ron swanson breakfast quote

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  • When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.
  • The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about people. I was once a three-year employee of a guy. andNever learned his name. BestThe best friend I have ever had. Sometimes we don’t even talk.
  • It’s always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain.
  • Friends: 1 to 3 is sufficient.
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