55 Perfect Jim Halpert Quotes For Literally Any Occasion


jim halpert quotes

Almost everyone agrees that The Office is the greatest show in the world. We could argue about which version was better until the paper is delivered. However, there’s one thing the American version had that the British version just can’t compete with: Jim HalpertJohn Krasinski played the role with great heart. We loved watching his romance blossom with Pam Beasly aka “the receptionist,” but we also genuinely enjoyed watching the way he worked with Michael Scott. You can’t enjoy The Office without having a good time. Jim’s pranks on his nemesis Dwight Schrute.

JimHe was the ultimate, but seemingly innocent, troll. All of his pranks were made infinitely more fun when you realized that he was only doing them to entertain Pam and make her smile. His character had one the best character arcs on television. He had some great dialogue. From witty one-liners to genuine moments of emotional openness and honesty, Jim delivered some of the show’s best quotes. These are our absolute favorites JimMoments and quotes

jim halpert quotes

Jim Halpert QuotesGoodbyes

1. It’s just that sometimes goodbyes are a bitch.

Jim HalpertCo-Workers

2. We didn’t play many video games in Scranton. Instead, we’d do stuff like.. uh, Pam and I would sometimes hum the same high-pitched note and try to get Dwight to make an appointment with an ear doctor. And, uh, Pam called it… Pretendinitis.

3. Stanley just drank OJ out of my mug and didn’t seem to realize that it wasn’t his hot coffee. So the question has to be asked, is there no limit to what he won’t notice?

4. My roommate would like to meet everyone. Because I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m making Dwight up. He is very real.

Jim Halpert Quote

Jim HalpertFor those who are not interested in a job,

5. I think it’s great that the company’s making a commercial, because not very many people have heard of us. I mean, when I tell people I work at Dunder Mifflin, they think that we sell mufflers or muffins or mittens or…and frankly, all of those sound better than paper, so I let it slide.

6. This is a temporary job. This would be my career if I get promoted in the company. And, uh, if this were my career, I’d have to throw myself in front of a train.

7. I am about to do something very bold in this job that I’ve never done before: try.

Jim Halpert Quotes

Jim Halpert QuotesParenting

8. This baby is incredible, I have to tell you. She gets me out of everything, and I… and I love her. She is also very dear to me.

9. It is exhausting to have a baby. Do you have two children? Now that’s just mean.

We have more favorites JimMoments

10. This is “parkour”, the internet sensation of 2004. It was in Bond movies. It’s pretty impressive. They are trying to move from point A (delusion) to point B (hospital).

11. Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

12. I am a black belt for gift wrapping.

13. Dwight found half of a joint in the garage last week. Dwight is far more dangerous than most people who use drugs, it turns out.

14. You are everything.

55 Perfect Jim Halpert Quotes For Literally Any Occasion

15. I ate a tuna sandwich on my first day, so then Andy started calling me ‘Big Tuna.’ I don’t think any of them know my real name.

16. We got it one week after we began dating.

17. Dwight occasionally receives faxes. From him. From the future.

18. To get him used to the weight, I had to keep adding nickels to his handset. Then one day… I took ‘em all out.

19. This is the smallest amount of power I’ve ever seen go to someone’s head.

20. This is my life. Until I win a lottery. Or Pam finally writes the series of books for young adults.

21. Dwight is my favorite. You are a winner, universe. Congratulations, universe.

22. I mean I’ve always subscribed to the idea that if you really want to impress your boss, you go in there and you do mediocre work, halfheartedly.

23. This job is responsible for everything I have. This job is amazing, dull, stupid, and incredible.

24. Dwight gifted me this wooden mallard as an unexpected gift. It contained a recording device. Yes. It is. I think that if I play it right, Dwight can live up to the plot of National Treasure.

25. Plan A was to marry her long ago. Pretty much from the day I first met her.

26. Tomorrow, I will tell you how great a boss you were. The best boss I have ever had.

27. I assumed the role to impress a receptionist, who will remain anonymous.

28. You’re looking at the master of leaving parties early.

29. Dwight tried kissing me.

30. Too much for you? You are everything.

31. What did you smoke?

32 Christmas is the perfect time to let people know how you feel.

33. Oh! No, it’s not. They call it Quad desk.

34 Why don’t I wanna go? Didn’t expect to need a reason so let me think here. Um. I don’t know any of these people, it’s an obligation, I don’t think talking paper in my free time (or in my work time), and did I use the word pointless?

35. He has not stopped working… for a second. He sneezed at 12:45 while keeping his eyes closed, something I thought impossible. He peed at 1:32. He did this in an open soda can, under the desk while filling out expense reports. And on the flip side, I’ve been so busy watching him that I haven’t even started work. It’s exhausting, being this vigilant. I’ll probably have to go home early today.

36. Jan is set to have a baby together with a donor sperm. Michael is getting ready for Dwight’s birth. This baby will be related through Michael. [draws question mark] delusion.

37. Just four years ago, it was me and a boy who had a crush upon a girl with a boyfriend. And I had to do the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, which was just to wait. For a really long time, that’s all I had. I only had small moments with a girl who regarded me as a friend. Many people thought I was crazy for waiting so long to go on a date. But, I think I knew even then that I was waiting for my husband.

Some of Jim’s Funniest Conversations

38. Jim: It turns out that I might not have been so successful in customer reviews this year. Pam: Maybe it’s because you spent the whole year flirting with the receptionist. Jim: A little bit. It’s worth it.

39. Jim: See, you’re always saying there’s something wrong with society. Maybe there’s something wrong with you? Michael: If it’s me, then society made me that way.

40 JimDwight: If you could travel anywhere on the planet, where would it be? Dwight: I am able to travel anywhere except Cuba. I will visit New Zealand to walk the Lord of the Rings Trail to Mordor, and I will climb Mount Doom.

41 Jim: Well this isn’t my best, but call Froggy 101, say that we’re the tour manager for Justin Bieber, and we’re giving away free tickets. We give him a number to call for the tickets and it’s his own number. Dwight. Who is Justice Beaver? Jim. … … He’s a crime-fighting beaver.

42. Dwight – Someone falsified medical information. This is a felony. Jim: Okay. Whoa, all right, ’cause that’s a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they’re fake? Dwight [reading] Uh, ‘Leprosy. Flesh-eating bacteria. Hot-dog fingers. Government-created killer nanorobot infection.”

43. Dwight: If you’re ever in the area, you’ll always have a place to stay…in my barn. Jim: It is.

44 Jim: I think it’s time for you to bury the hatchet. Dwight: It’s a waste of a good hatchet.

45 Dwight: You’re a good assistant Jim. Jim: Not as good and as talented as you. Dwight: That’s very true. Get out of here.

46. Dwight: We’re third cousins, which is great for bloodlines and isn’t technically incest. Jim: Just in the sweet spot.

47 Jim: That’s my favorite part of Christmas, the authority. Pam: And the fear.

48. Dwight JimTell him to wear his grapes. Jim: In your fridge!

49 Jim: The raise isn’t real. Dwight: Money isn’t real ever since we got off the gold standard.

50 JimWhy is there so much saliva? Dwight: I just had to think about pie, and my salivary glands took care of the rest.

51 Dwight: Do you think there is a belt that is more black than the others? JimYou should ask him. It’s a color you would never expect.

52 Jim: How many buttons have you got? Dwight: 40… always.

53. Dwight: How do you find the antidote to this problem? Jim: True love’s kiss.

54 Jim: I mean, I don’t even know what I’d do with all that money. Dwight: I know what you’d do with all that money: ‘Hey Pam, let’s buy expensive bathrobes and hug.’

55. Andy: What do you think it has to with the incentive program. Jim: Oh, absolutely. People wanna see you tattoo your ass.

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