90+ Best Funny Parenting Quotes That Are Really Relatable

A parent’s life is blessed with children.

Being a parent comes with a huge responsibility, as it is a parent’s credit to bring up a child well, and it’s the parent’s mistake for their ill behavior. ParentingIf you love your kids and are passionate about raising them, it can be a lot of fun.

Read More: funny quotes about parenting

Being a parent can be a blessing. It is something you will treasure for the rest of your life. Kids are not parents’ mistakes, but they are the greatest blessing. Parenting can be a stressful job at first, but you will learn a lot as you parent. Your parenting success will be measured by your children’s admiration for you. These funny parenting quotes and funny parenting quotes will make your day more enjoyable. Which parenting quote is your favorite?

You might also like our humorous dad quotes [funny family quotes].

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Funny QuotesAbout Parenting

A parent is the perfect marriage of father and mother. Parents are responsible for shaping the childhoods of children. Although there are many ways parents could raise their child, there is only one correct way. Here are some funny parenting advice and quotes that will make anyone laugh.

Parents are dependent a lot on each other.

1. “Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.”

Marshall McLuhan.

2. “People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.”

– Leo Burke.

3. “A baby changes your dinner party conversation from politics to poops.”

Maurice Johnston.

4. “A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”

Jerry Seinfeld.

5. “You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance?”

Franklin P. Adams.

6. “Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.”

– David Frost.

7. “Never have more children than you have car windows.”

– Erma Bombeck.

8. “If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.”

– Bette Davis.

9. “Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.”

Ed Asner.

10. “Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.”

– Phyllis Diller.

11. “The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.”

Lane Olinghouse

12. “Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”

William Galvin

13. “Why don’t kids understand their nap is not for them, but for us?”

Alyson Hannigan

14. “I have a friend who has no kids but he has tattoos, and he talks about them like they are his kids. He says things like, ‘This is my oldest. It’s my favorite.’ ‘This one was the result of a long night of drinking.’ ‘This one came out a little darker than I expected.’ And so on.”

Keith Alberstadt

15. “Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.”

– Steven Wright.

16. “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”

– James Baldwin.

17. “To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today.”

– Barbara Johnson.

18. “Having a child is liking getting a tattoo on your face. You better be committed.”

– “Eat Pray Love”

19. “I would say that the hardest thing about being a parent is these goddamned kids.”

– Andy Richter.

20. “Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children, and now I have six children and no theories.”

– John Wilmot, ‘Earl Of Rochester.’

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21. “Parenting Tip: If your child is crying, hold it close and whisper, ‘You don’t have a clue what horrors this world holds.’”

Rob Delaney

22. “It’s weird, all those parenting books my wife made me read, and not one ever hinted that I’d have to remind my son not to touch the dog’s butthole.”

– Jr. Williams.

23. “Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy, but they can also be terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they’re born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.”

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Ray Romano.

24. “Sending your kids to summer camp teaches them important life lessons… like, ‘You can deal with your problems by sending them to summer camp.’”

– Ari Fishbein.

Hilarious Parenting Quotes

All members of the family love funny parenting quotes. Funny parenting quotes are a hit on social media, whether they’re about motherhood or dad jokes. Here are some hilarious parenting quotes that will make your heart swell with laughter.

Parenting is an enriching experience for many.

25. “You dropped your kid off a changing table? You just have to let it happen. My son ate a cigarette last week. I saw him yesterday playing in the dryer. I took the wrong baby to daycare. I found my baby in the bathroom. No judging.”

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26. “Parents of newborn babies are basically hostages in their own house with a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome.”

Nate Smith.

27. “The only thing that kids wear out faster than shoes is their parents.”

John J. Plomp.

28. “All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.”

– Erma Bombeck.

29. “When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”

– Nora Ephron.

30. “Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”

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Ray Romano.

31. “The thing about parenting rules is there aren’t any. That’s what makes it so difficult.”

– Ewan McGregor.

32. “Parenting is a life time job and does not stop when a child grows up.”

Jake Slope.

33. “The truth is, parenting as well as we can is always hard – really, truly, the hardest thing any of us has ever done.”

Laura Markham.

34. “Parents with their words, attitudes, and actions possess the ability to bless or curse the identities of their children.”

– Craig Hill.

35 “First babies have the often-unenviable task of turning people into parents.”

– Penelope Leach.

36 “Good parenting is subjective and the same tips don’t work for all people.”

– Brandi Rossi.

37. “No one is ever quite ready; everyone is always caught off guard. Parenthood chooses you.”

– Marisa De Los Santos.

38. “Parenting without a sense of humor is like being an accountant who sucks at math.”

Amber Dusick

39. “No matter how much time you spend reading books or following your intuition, you’re gonna screw it up. 50 times. You can’t do parenting right.”

– Alan Arkin.

40. “I don’t know what’s more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you’re doing.”

– Jim Gaffigan.

41 “Parenthood…it’s about guiding the next generation and forgiving the last.”

– Peter Krause.

42 “When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he’s doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.”

– Erma Bombeck.

43. “No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”

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– Bill Cosby.

44. “I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn’t do what I wanted, I’d kill him.”

Katherine Hepburn

45 “If we never have headaches through rebuking our children, we shall have plenty of heartaches when they grow up.”

– Charles H. Spurgeon.

46 “Your typical six-year-old is a paradoxical little person.”

– Louise Bates Ames.

47 “God, why does a mortal man have children? It is senseless to love anything this much.”

– Barbara Kingsolver.

48 “The miracle of children is that we just don’t know how they will change or who they will become.”

– Eileen Kennedy-Moore.

49. “There’s no such thing as ready. You just jump on a moving train and you try not to die.”

– A Dad, ‘What To Expect When You Are Expecting.’

FunnyNew Parents Quotes

These hilarious parenting quotes have become a social media cult. Their popularity is so great that hundreds of thousands of people follow the hashtag hilarious parenting quotes. Here are some of our favorite parenting quotes.

50 “Mike, you have show-and-tell today. Please honey, remember body parts do not count.”

Sarah Baker, ‘Cheaper by The Dozen’.

51 “Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off.”

Ralph Bus.

52 “Never underestimate a child’s ability to get into more trouble.”

Martin Mull.

53 “In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced in television.”

– Erma Bombeck.

54 “Becoming a mom to me means that you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.”

– Nia Vardalos.

55 “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”

– Milton Berle.

56 “When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.”

– Erma Bombeck.

57 “Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes.”

Joyce Armor.

58 “Mother is a verb. It’s something you do. Not just who you are.”

– Cheryl Lacey Donovan.

59. “One thing I had learned from watching chimpanzees with their infants is that having a child should be fun.”

– Jane Goodall.

60 “There are no rules in this house; I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a cool mom.”

– June George, ‘Mean Girls.’

61. “Ugh it’s so hot!’…gets hit by two drops of pool water ‘splash me again and I’ll donate all your toys.’”

– Salty Mermaid.

62. “It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish.”

– Carrie Underwood.

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63. “I feel very blessed to have two wonderful, healthy children who keep me completely grounded, sane, and throw up on my shoes just before I go to an awards show just so I know to keep it real.”

Reese Witherspoon.

64 “Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.”

Julia Roberts.

65 “The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”

Dorothy Parker.

66. “I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, ‘Not yet, but we placed an ad.’”

– Dana Snow.

67. “(24/7) once you sign on to be a mother, that’s the only shift they offer.”

– Jodi Picoult.

68. “Once you sign on to be a mother, 24/7 is the only shift they offer.”

– Jodi Picoult.

69. “I used to believe my father about everything, but then I had children myself and now I see how much stuff you make up just to keep yourself from going crazy.”

Brian Andreas.

70 “Motherhood: All love begins and ends there.”

Robert Browning.

71. “Having a baby dragged me, kicking and screaming, from the world of self-absorption.”

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– Paul Reiser.

Hilarious Parenting QuotesAbout Dad

Fathers provide support for a family. Even though their love for their children may be hard to see, their efforts in raising them are admirable. They are heroes without caps. Here are some hilarious quotes about fatherhood that you will find so true.

72. “To be a successful father there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.”

– Ernest Hemingway.

73. “I have just returned from a children’s party. I’m one of the survivors.”

Percy French

74. “I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.”

Dave Barry.

75. “Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million-dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.”

– Jim Bishop.

76. “I’ve got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: “Hello, goodbye, and I’m pregnant”.

Dean Martin.

77. “I thought I’d never be that annoying person, but as soon as Winnie was born, I was showing iPhone snaps to a cab driver.”

Jimmy Fallon.

78. “Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.”

– Phyllis Diller.

79.“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.”

– Paul Reiser.

80 “Went to Disneyland because my daughter’s obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.”

– Ryan Reynolds.

81 “Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them about responsibility for 24-36 hours”

– Conan O’Brien.

82. “That’s not the sign for poop, that’s the sign for milk! This is the sign for poop!”

– Jack, ‘Meet The Fockers.’

83. “Even Johnny Depp’s kid must be like, ‘Oh god, my dad with those freakin’ scarves. This isn’t a pirate ship, it’s Costco, dad.’”

Judd Apatow.

84. “You want to know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.”

– Jim Gaffigan.

85 “I’m totally ‘that dad’ who leaves a note in my son’s lunch box. One day I’ll actually start putting food in there also.”

Steve Ryan.

86 “I think every kid thinks their dad is goofy.”

Judd Apatow.

87. “As a parent you’ve only got one job to do: Keep your daughter off the pole.”

Chris Rock.

88. “My daughter just lost her first tooth, which is a very sweet moment for a dad. In retrospect, I do regret punching her so hard in the face.”

– Alan Cox.

89. “More specifically being a dad is a diverse responsibility, and it is also defined by providing support to your partner in the glorious journey of parenthood.”

– Natalie L. S. West.

90 “Every parent is at some time the father of the unreturned prodigal, with nothing to do but keep his house open to hope.”

– John Ciardi.

91 “While mothers still bear the brunt of housework and child rearing, fathers are increasingly realizing that providing is not parenting.”

– Madonna King.

92 “They say that parenting is like dancing. You take one step, your child takes another.”

– Michael Jackson.

93. “How can something so small create so much of something so disgusting?”

– Michael, ‘Three Men And A Baby.’

94 “I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn’t drive the kids crazy.”

– James, ‘Look Who’s Talking.’

Kidadl has carefully crafted many fun family-friendly quotes. Take a look at these hilarious parenting quotes if you liked our suggestions! [funny mom quotes]Or [funny quotes for kids].

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